Twas the Night Before Christmas (routine)
V - And now folks, we are going to read you the classic poem about Christmas...
F - Peter Cottontail
V - No, a Christmas poem.
F - Why kiss under the mistletoe when you can kiss under the nose?
V - No, it's the classic poem, "Twas the Night Before Christmas."
F - Oh, why didn't you say so.
V - I just did.
F - I guess you did, proceed.
V - Why don't you start?
F - (whispers) I can't read.
V - Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said you wanted to do the poem with me?
F - I did, but I forgot my glasses.
V - I didn't know you wore glasses.
F - Only when I want to see, that's OK, I'll do it from memory. You start and I'll join in.
V - OK, Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
F - Mom looked all over for here new Christmas blouse.
V - No it's, Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.
F - (laughs) Yeah right.
V - It is!!
F - Sure, what would mouse be stirring?
V - Stop it.
F - (Whispers to the audience) I would be a pretty small spoon!!
V - Not that kind of stirring.
F - What other kind is there?
V- Stirring also means moving.
F - Not a creature was moving not even a mouse. Well, that makes sense, why didn't they just say that?
V - I don't know, can we continue?
F - (looks around) Who's stopping ya?
V - The children were nestled all snug in their beds
F - Whiles visions of Xboxes danced in their heads
V - It's sugar plumbs, not xboxes
F - Well I don't know what a sugar plum is but I know what a xbox is right kids?
V - OK, and ma in her kerchief....
F - God bless you.
V - And ma in her kerchief....
F - God bless you again, sneeze one more time and you get to make a wish.
V - I'm not sneezing I'm saying kerchief, it's what women used to wear to bed.
F - Oh, what is it?
V - It's like a bandana. Women used to wear them on their heads when they went to bed at night.
F - Women used to wear a banana on their head at night?
V - No I said bandana.
F - OK, sounds like banana to me.
V - and ma in her kerchief and I in my cap, had just settled down for a long winters nap. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter....
F - (looks at vents body) Did your clothes shrink or are you getting fatter?
V - One more comment like that and your going to have to leave.
F - Sorry, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
V - Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up...
F - (yells) Yuck!!!
V - What?
F - You threw up??
V - No.
F - I hope you cleaned it up.
V - threw up the sash.
F - That what you get for eating sash before you go to bed.
V - The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow, gave the luster of mid day to objects below. When what to my wondering eyes should appear but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. With a little old driver so lively and quick...
F - If he moved any faster I think I'd get sick,
V - (just gives a disgusting look at the figure)
F - (looks at vent) and throw up the sash.
V - I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
F - Hey, I thought this was supposed to be about Santa Claus.
V - It is.
F - Than whose this St. Nick guy?
V - That's another name for Santa Claus.
F - Oh, OK.
V - More rapid than eagles his courses they came, and his whistled and shouted and called them by name: Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid! On Donder and Blitzen, to the top of the porch, to the top of the wall, now dash away, dash away, dash away all!
F - You missed a reindeer.
V - I know, Rudolph wasn't around when this poem was written.
F - I see.
V - As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky. So up to the house top the coursers they flew, with the sleigh full of toys and St . Nicholas too.
F - So there were 2 people?
V - What??
F - St Nick and St. Nicholas, (thinks for a second and then looks embarrassed) never mind.
V- And then, in a twinkling I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
F- And I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
V- Wait, there's still a lot more of the poem to do.
F- Well, I've got to go.
V- You got some place to be?
F- No, I just have to go.
F- (Whispers in the vents ear)
V- Oh! Well, wish everyone Merry Christmas.
F- Merry Christmas all. And don't eat too much sash.
V- Merry Christmas everybody.
(use this if you would like, let me know how it works out)