What's bogging you down from being your best?

Here's a loaded question. What's bogging you down from being the best entertainer that you can be? Think hard. It's interesting when I ask myself this question I come up with multiple answers. I'm going to list 3 things in my life that are a problem and also identify the top 10 that could stop you from being the best entertainer, ventriloquist, magician, singer, whatever......

My top 3 are TV, motivation and organization. Those are not in any specific order but they are all 3 major problems in my life. If I can get control of all 3 of these I could guarantee that my performance and my booking could drastically improve. Let's look at each one at a time.

TV

Here's a little assignment I want you to try. Grab a piece of paper and mark it at the top, "My TV Time Sheet" and then as you sit down to watch Heroes, House or any reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond mark the time you start and the time you finish. Not just with those 3 shows, anytime you watch TV whether it be watching sports, the news or just some form of entertainment. After a week add up your total time in front of the boob tube. If that's not an eye opener I don't know what is. We waste more time in front of the TV then anything else (with maybe the exception of Facebook!) Try to limit your TV input to 2 hours a day to start off with. Then drop it 1/2 hour as you see fit. You will be surprised at how much more time you will have on your hands.

Motivation

This may sound silly to many of you out there but I just don't have the motivation to practice and work on new routines. I work full time for AutoTrader.com and make pretty good money doing that. I love ventriloquism and magic but it is more of a hobby for me than a career. I doesn't pay the bills. That being said, I would love to, one day, be able to perform full time and have entertainment be my number one source of income. But, do I desire it enough to make the time to practice and market myself? Obviously not. And that is the shame of it. I just don't have the motivation to do it and this is one of my major downfalls. I pray that I find the motivation because I really do enjoy performing. Interesting that I know a few people who have entertained their whole life and that's was their motivation. To be in front of people constantly. One example of this is Johnny "Ace" Palmer. I remember the first time I saw John perform, I think he was 14 and I was 13. We were performing together at the same church. While I performed ventriloquism and a little magic, his total emphasis was on magic. Nothing spectacular at the time. I remember he was performing with some adult at the time and used a lot of self working tricks like the lotta bowl. A few years later I saw John at our church. They hired him to perform and I got together with him after the show and we talked and realized that we had performed together when we were younger. I think John was 16 at the time. Interesting thing was that John was then performing at the Ground Round, a restaurant in our area, as Bingo the Clown doing close-up magic. He performed every weekend and I think in the middle of the week sometimes. Talk about getting lots of practice. John eventually won many awards performing close-up and is even a headliner 2 times a year at The Magic Castle! I told this story to say this. John had the motivation to do this. It was his income and, I think, he even helped his family out when he was younger with the money he got for performing. John is a great example of someone who could set goals and reach them. He's also a great example of what motivation can do for a person. I hope to have better motivation in the future.

Organization

This is no surprise to my wife, Sue. She would tell you in a heart beat. I'm not an organized person. I have no rhyme or reason to how I do most of what I do. My office is usually a disaster and if I ever actually scheduled time to do anything I think Sue would have a heart attack. I do things as they come and, usually, when time is running out. I could schedule a show a year in advance and would not practice until a day before the show. Terrible I know, but I'm being truthful here. I'm not an organized person. You would think with the money I have invested in computers and technology that I would at least be organized but, no, I've got a long way to go to be organized. I guess that procrastination could be another word for it but we will stick with organized.

So those are my top 3. Let's make a list of 10 in no specific order as to why you may not be your best in the entertainment industry and be honest with yourself.

1. TV
2. Organization
3. Motivation
4. Fear
5. Arrogance
6. Time
7. Money
8. Procrastination
9. Confusion
10. Family / Friends

If you can come up with some other reason comment on this blog or email me at danieljay@thefamilyvent.com would love to hear your input! Until later happy venting and I hope you will be able to be the best you can be!

Comedy writing.

I would say next to finding time to practice, comedy writing is probably the hardest part of being a ventriloquist. Would anyone back me on this? How many of you have actually come up with your own routine? Let me just give you an example. I have a routine that I do with Fuzzball, my cat. Here's how it starts out. I introduce Fuzzball and, while I am introducing him, he is licking himself. I ask the audience how many have cats at home and mention that cats like to clean themselves and that's what he's doing now. I also say that we may be waiting a long time for Fuzzball to finish cleaning himself to which I then ask Fuzzball if he's done yet and he says "Not Yet". He then licks some more and then bites his arm to which I ask, "What's that?" and he replies, "Fleas". Up to this point this is all my routine. From then on it is jokes from various joke books and visuals such as him sneezing and then wiping his nose on a tissue and, while I am not looking, rubbing his nose up my sleeve, complements of Mark Wade. Some other visual routines I do with him is an eye test where he starts out fine but then starts looking opposite of where my finger is. This routine is probably one of the best that I have. I've been doing this routine with Fuzzball for years and everyone loves it and loves Fuzzball because of it.

I've tried to write new routines since then but it is very difficult. I'm just wondering how everyone else comes up with their routines. What techniques do they use. And I'm interested in people who know their routines are funny. I've seen many poor ventriloquists in my day. Ones that may think they're funny but aren't. I'm reaching out to the true professionals. How do you make your routine funny? Where do you come up with new material? How do you keep it fresh? Let's have some input. Email me at danieljay@danieljayrobison.com and let me know so I can post it! Thanks all and God Bless!

VentHaven Convention a BLAST!

I'll be the first to admit that this was the best conVENTion I have been to in a while (since my last one was in 2000, that is a while!). I heard people saying it was even better than last years. Let's talk a little about what was discussed at the lectures:

Comedy Writing

Marketing

Puns

Getting Fair shows

Organizing your show

Creativity

Splitting

All great stuff. Now I didn't make it to Wednesday and had to leave early afternoon on Saturday but, all in all, some great stuff. In the dealer rooms there was a lot of great figures and props as well. Pittsburgh Puppets (anyone have their website?) had a great puppet that you could change their eyes because they were held on with Velcro. Therefore, in the middle of a show you could change the expression of the puppet. One Way Street was there, it's always good to see Dale and Liz! Also, Gary Owens was representing Axtell. There was also Albert Alfaro with many of his unique creations, he and Mary Ann Taylor both donated figures for the auction (alas, I didn't win a thing!). Tim Selberg also had some of his figures there. Next year I think I'm going to stop at every booth and get their online contact information so I don't leave some out like I have this year. Oh, Tom Ladshaw also had a table that was full of collectibles! And Lee Cornell also had a table set up selling many DVDs.

All in all, if you missed out this year, don't worry, there's always next year. I'm sure many that attended last year said, "How can you top that?" and this year people were saying that it was the best they had ever seen. I'm looking forward to next year and being a bigger part of Vent Haven and the conVENTion in the years to come.

Nina Conti

Axtell Figures and their Vents

Finding time.

When do you find the time to practice? This is one of my biggest problems. Is it in the morning, evening? Do you set aside some time each day, a specific time? Do you just wing it? What do the professionals do? Jim Barber, Jeff Dunham, Mark Wade, Ken Groves and the list goes on and on. I would love some comments on this blog, if for nothing else than to help us all know what is the best way to practice? Is it while performing throwing in some new stuff? Do you have a room set aside for practice? (My house is small so my only practice room is cramped). Do you practice in front of a mirror or do you use a video? Let us know. How do you, when do you and where do you PRACTICE?

Watching TV with your Figure?

When was the last time you watched TV with one of your figures? Sound silly? It may, but let's face it, some good conversation can come from it. Your figure can comment on what your watching and you can comment on it or visa versa. Watch the evening new. A late night show. Comment on Jay Leno's dialogue. Comment on Conan O'Brian's hair (naw, that's to easy). Have fun, get a dialogue going with your figure. You never know what you might come up with. Always be thinking "How can I turn this into a routine or a joke." Do things with your figure you would usually do with a regular person and carry on both sides of the conversation. Pretty soon you'll have enough material for a whole act!

Vent Videos now on Blog

I just added ventriloquist videos on my blog page. Let me know what vents you would like featured and the videos will appear. Also will be posting blogs more often on this page. Let me know what topics you would like to see. Talk to you all soon!

A Day with Ronn Lucas.

I spent the day today, June 4th 2008, with Ronn Lucas. After catching his show in Vegas at the Excalaber, I introduced myself and we spent the whole day together. I have to tell you I was highly impressed with Ronn and his hospitality. He was very cordial and treated me like a friend he had known for year.

It isn't very often that you talk to someone in the position that Ronn is in and get treated the way that Ronn treated me. I was very impressed with the way Ronn actually took time out of his day to give me a little time to discuss ventriloquism, business and more.

Ronn's show was very entertaining and I definately suggest if you are in Vegas, take time to catch Ronn's show. It is going on at 2:00pm Tuesday through Sunday as well as a Friday night show.

Thanks Ronn and God Bless you in all that you do!

Quotes online and the such!

Here's an interesting situation. I got a email the other day from a Pastor that wanted to know what my charge was for a show. That's it, that's the only question I got. How much do I charge. Didn't have any information just "How much do I charge and if April was open". WHAT A QUESTION! To which my response was, "Where are you at? What kind of show do you want? How long do you want it?" Wouldn't you agree that those are legitimate questions? How can I give him a quote if I don't have these answers? You know what he emailed me back? Not one answer to the questions I asked! He emailed me "I guess what I'm asking is how much would you charge to do a Friday night show at our coffee house." Does that answer any of the above questions? Absolutely not! To which I asked him again the same questions. And he replied, "Never mind, just send me some material."

Now what on earth are people thinking? I'm not going to waste money on sending him material just so he can throw it away. People amaze me. Has anyone else ever experienced such an episode? I'd love to hear from you! Email me at danieljay@thefamilyvent.com .

God Bless,

Daniel Jay Robison

Learn Ventriloquism, the good, the bad and the ugly

There are many websites out in cyberspace that teach you ventriloquism. Some good, some bad and some just down right ugly. I am going to review a few of these websites and give you my opinion on which ones teach it correctly and which ones do not. Also, below will be some suggestions and tips on ventriloquism and learning it. Hopefully this information will help you inspiring ventriloquists out there.

First the Good

• Axtell's learning ventriloquism - Leave it to Steve Axtell to come up with such a nice tutorial on how to do ventriloquism. This teaches you the correct way on how to do the hard letters. The method that many successful professionals use.


• Burgher's Entertainment - Just the basics with a link at the end to Axtell's page but, again, has the correct substitute letters.

Next, the Bad

• Brownielocks and the 3 Bears - this website uses the old Edgar Bergen techniques that just don't work well. The "M" uses the "ngh" in the back of the throat just doesn't work. You might find some useful information in this website but letter substitution isn't one of them.


• BBC Ventriloquist Page - here is another fine example of how not to substitute letters. Luckily, Valentine Vox didn't use this method!

There are many different training programs that you can purchase for ventriloquism as well. Some of my favorites are:

Maher's Home Study Course - now available through Dummyworks.com and my buddy Tim Cowles. Probably the best course still available.

Pete Michaels Video Ventriloquism - even though I have not personally seen Pete's video. I know Pete and know his talent and I am sure this is a great video to learn ventriloquism.

Lee Cornell's Ventriloquism 101 - guaranteed product! Can't beat that!

Steve Taylor Video Ventriloquism - I know Steve and he is a great trainer as well as ventriloquist and magician. I'm sure you won't be disappointed!

The key thing to ventriloquism is practice, practice, practice. Then, when you feel you have it perfected, practice some more. There's nothing that gives ventriloquism a black eye more than a bad ventriloquist. Unfortunately, there are a lot more bad ventriloquists than good ones. So make sure that you practice long and hard and, video tape your performances. This will help you see what you need to do to improve.

Finally, here is a list of products available through Amazon that teaches ventriloquism.

How unique does an act have to be?

When talking about ventriloquism, how unique does an act have to be. I mean, do we really have to be that unique to make sure that we get bookings? Do we have to do something that no other ventriloquist is doing? Let me give you a few examples: Terry Fator does impressions, Jim Barber does the Barber and Seville where "He" is the dummy. If we are not this creative, should we hang up our figures and go buy some Tenyo products and convert to magic (I didn't just say that did I?).

I know that we have to be creative, heaven knows if you are a good ventriloquist you already are, somewhat, creative. I am not knocking any of the unique ventriloquists out there. I think their acts are great. What I am saying though is that if you have a good routine, and it is just a dialogue between you and your figure, that's O.K.. In all reality, what is Jeff Dunham's show. A dialogue with Peanut, Jose, Walter and whatever other figures he uses for that show. Mind you, it is some very creative dialogue, but it is dialogue none the less. So this takes us to a whole different idea of unique.

A jalapeno on a stick. Unique? You betcha. How about a woozle? Again, an astounding YES! And can anybody say that Walter is not unique? Absolutely not. This is just one of the things that has made Jeff so popular. His characters are unique. So, being unique does not necessarily mean that your whole vent routine is unique. Maybe it's just your characters that are unique. And, to be quite honest with you, I have seen people take Axtell puppets and make them unique. Mind you, this may be a little more difficult to do, being that there are so many ventriloquist that have the same puppet. But with a little creativity, you can make it unique.

I'll tell you one thing I like about Jeff's characters. Sweet Daddy Dee, he started out with a Selberg figure, then designed his own around that character. The same with Melvin, the superhero. He started out with an Oddballs and Orphens figure, came up with the routine, then designed his own figure. As creative and talented as Jeff is, he has that luxury. Unfortunately, many of us aren't as talented. So, can we still make the characters unique? Let me just close with this question. If Jeff was still using the Selberg and Kristin Peterson character, would they be unique? And the answer is ..................................................................... YES! So get working on making your characters unique. More later.

Thou shalt not Steal!

I know that we all have our favorite ventriloquists. Someone that we admire and would like to be like. But when does being like someone turn in to stealing their routine? That is simple. The bottom line is to come up with your own routine. Learn how to write comedy. Anyone can steal a joke but it takes a real talent to write you own material.

Stealing a show even goes into more detail when we talk about stealing characters and effects. Now I'm not going to go as far as saying that you should never use your hand to do ventriloquism like Senior Wences. But you know what I'm talking about. The day someone comes out with a sock puppet that is a lamb is the day that I believe Mallory Lewis has a right to a court case.

Mind you not all ventriloquists are going to get upset but, from my experience, the ones that steal the most are the ones that aren't that good. So when you have someone copying your material and they aren't that good it really becomes a problem. No wonder Ronn got upset when someone said they had seen his show before and they hadn't. They had just seen a bad ventriloquist steal his whole Mask routine.

Bottom line, if your going to use a line from a vent routine, get permission. And just never take someone else's routine, make your own and make it fun! God luck and happy venting.

Ventriloquist Conventions.

Conventions, Conventions, Conventions. Is it really that important to attend a convention and, if so, which convention do I attend? If this is the question that is going through your head let me give your first, my opinion on conventions from a little history about me.

When I was about 12 years old I started performing ventriloquism. I never even knew about ventriloquism, let alone, knew how many ventriloquists there were in the whole country. As far as ventriloquism was concerned, the only ones I knew existed were the ones on TV and the others that came to my home town every once in a while. Soon I started making some money and my Dad bought me my first "professional" ventriloquist figure from Abbott's Magic Company. It was great but I wanted something that was unique. So I check my resources and found Alan Semok who made Ziff for me. Also, through Alan and Mark Wade I found out about VentHaven and at the age of 18, attended my first convention.

What an eye opener! The first thing I did after I had attended the convention that evening was call my dad and tell him "I stink" . There were so many people there that were so much better than me. Here's the thing. They were not standoffish, they did not horde their secrets to themselves. They were willing to share and teach all the techniques that they learned with me. This was amazing, distant voice, telephone voice, muffled voice all were available to me if I would just sit down with someone and listen to them. That being said, my opinion is, you need to attend a convention! That's it. It's that simple.

Now that we have decided that if you ever want to be successful in ventriloquism you should attend a convention. Second is, which convention to attend. By far the convention that has the most successful ventriloquists attending is VentHaven in Ft. Mitchell, Ky. You want to meet Jeff Dunham, Mark Wade, Ken Groves, Bob Ladshaw, Jimmy Nelson, Dan Horn or the numerous others that will be there? This is the place! Great training, great fellowship and rubbing shoulders with the best of the best. This is where I learned many of the great techniques I use today. VentHaven ventriloquist convention is July 18-21, 2007. Click Here for more information.

Another convention that I have attended is One Way Street's I-Fest (International Festival of Puppetery and Ventriloquism). This convention may not have the more popular ventriloquists attending, but it is more relaxing and personal. Great friendships have been made through this convention. Mind you, this is a Christian convention. You won't have any adult routines here. What you will have is classes, lots of them. And a whole week of learning and fellowship. It is held at Olivett University in Bourbonnais, IL. The dates are July 9-14, 2007 (or SuperFest which is July 12-14, 2007). Good food, good fellowship and great worship! This convention is a great place to meet new people and get new ideas for your show. And if you want to learn manipulation, this is a puppetry convention as well! For more information on I-Fest Click Here.

Any convention you attend, I'm sure you won't be disappointed. So what are you waiting for? Go register now!!

How do I get my Start?

One of the biggest questions when starting out as an entertainer is "How do I get my start?". Which is a very important question. I mean after all, you've already worn out your welcome with your family and your friends. If they hear another ventriloquist routine in their lives it will be too soon! And are they really an "unbiased" group anyway? I know that my parents always thought I was funny (at least that's what they told me). My friends could be more brutal than productive. So where to perform, where to perform.

First of all, your best critic is yourself (actually, I think the saying goes is your worst critic is yourself) but that is because you want to be perfect. So, if you have a camcorder and some time, record your routine and watch it. As a matter of fact, I would demand that you do this, before you ever go public. Watch everything about your show and if you feel confident with it. Now is the time to "get your start".

Now if you have an "R" rated routine do not follow these instructions. I have no advice for you other than hitting the amateur nights at the local comedy clubs. Believe me, if you stink you'll know if and if your a hit you'll know it as well. But for the majority of you, open up your phone book and check these resources, Nursing Homes, Homes for the Elderly, Lions and Kiwanis Clubs and your local libraries. Now these, for the most part, are not going to be paying shows. Nursing Homes and Homes for the elderly are on tight budgets and won't pay much but they do give you a lot of experience and the folks there love it. Libraries will pay good but if your just starting out you don't want to charge too much, just explain your situation to them and ask them if you can do a short routine and then have a story time with the children. Note about libraries, keep religion out of your routine, they frown on this and my never invite you back!

These are just a few places that love new entertainment and gives you the practice and the experience to start performing at larger venues and making the big bucks! Until next time.

Lip Control, If you don't have it, PRACTICE

It's interesting how many people on the vent lists stick up for those who move their lips as a ventriloquist. What's more amazing is the fact that they believe that someone calling themselves a ventriloquist can go ahead and pretty much have as much lip movement as possible and not apologize for it. Mind you, the definition of ventriloquist is "belly talker". But we know that already having studied ventriloquism. But ask a layman what the definition of a ventriloquist is. You know what they'll say? Go ahead take a guess. That's right, someone who talks without moving their lips.

Have you ever met someone who saw a bad ventriloquist? What do they usually say about their show? "He was a horrible ventriloquist, his lips moved the whole time!" Can you name a famous ventriloquist who's lips moved? I challenge you to name one. OK. Edgar Bergen. I hear ya, you don't need to shout. Edgar Bergen. Now answer this one for me. How did Bergen get famous? Oh, that's right. ON THE RADIO. Now I'm no rocket scientist but I'll bet Bergen became famous more for the characters he developed than his ventriloquism. As a matter of fact, I'm sure of it. Don't get me wrong, I do think Bergen's manipulation is excellent, but so was Waylon Flowers and he was a puppeteer, not a ventriloquist. I'm not taking anything away from Edgar Bergen, from what I understand, during his vaudeville days his lip control was excellent. But when he moved to radio he felt it was more important for the radio audience to understand Charlie than it was for his small studio audience to not see his lips move. So you see, Bergen wasn't a bad ventriloquist, just a smart business man.

Now let's get back to the topic at hand. Anything worth doing is worth doing right and if you can't do ventriloquism without moving your lips, for the love of Pete, practice. I'm not saying that your lips have to be as stiff as a board when your figure is talking but you should try to be perfect. Work towards perfection. Now I will admit that my lips still quiver every once in a while, more sometimes than others. But I still practice to be better (and mind you, I've been practicing since I was 5). I can't believe that some of you out there say you practice as much as you do and are so bad. Hey, maybe I'm the Simon Cowell of ventriloquism but I say if you been practicing that long and are still that bad, find a new hobby. Your making us look bad.

This is not to say that there are not other important areas like a good routine, good character development or good manipulation. But Abbott and Costello had both good routines and good character development, guess what. They weren't ventriloquists. The guy on the Hudson Brothers who had the Emu had good character development and good manipulation, guess what. He wasn't a ventriloquist (or maybe he called himself one but had such bad lip control that he chose not to talk the Emu). The only thing that makes use different as ventriloquist's is that we talk without moving our lips. I say if you can't talk without moving your lips, don't call yourself a ventriloquist. Hey, you can still be on the WorldVent List, I don't think you have to be a ventriloquist to be on it. But, by calling yourself a ventriloquist who are you fooling besides yourself?

Getting to Know You

"Getting to know you, Getting to feel free and easy
When I am with you, Getting to know what to say
Haven't you noticed
Suddenly I'm bright and breezy?
Because of all the beautiful and new
Things I'm learning about you
Day by day."

Ok, so it's a little hokey, and I've never been a big fan of musicals. But just because I'm not a fan doesn't mean my figure is not. Maybe my figure LOVES musicals. The great thing is that if you step out of your comfort zone, you will learn more and develop your characters personality even more. Let's face it, nobody wants to see 2 of you standing up there. Give your figure some traits that are completely opposite of yours. Here are 10 questions to ask your figure:

1. What's you favorite movie?
2. What's your favorite food?
3. What's your biggest pet peeve?
4. Who's you favorite actor?
5. How do you spend your free time?
6. Is the glass half empty or half full?
7. What's your favorite smell?
8. What's your favorite sound?
9. Who would you most like to be like?
10. How would you treat a friend that just won a million dollars?

Hopefully, this will bet you started on structuring you characters personality even more!

Character Development

What does George W, Bush, Seinfeld, the Flintstones and broccoli have in common? Your figure should have an opinion on each and every one of them. No matter what you feel about them, your figure should have their own personal opinion on them. That means you should take an inventory with your figure. Sit down with them, interview them, ask them their opinion, their advice, you might be surprised the answers you'll get.

It's a good idea to put together a list of questions such as: What's your favorite movie, your favorite food, what shows do you hate, what's your opinion on the war. You get the idea. The fact of the matter is, the more you know about your figure, the more material you can come up with.

So be creative and have fun with your figure!

Maher Studios to Close doors 2006

Say it isn't so.... Maher Studios to close their doors in 2006. WOW, this hit me like a ton of bricks!! I can't believe that Maher is closing. This is a big shock for the whole ventriloquist community I'm sure. To get more information you can CLICK HERE.

I'm sure this goes for all ventriloquists, we wish the Detweiler's well and hope that God blesses them in all there endovers in the future. Look for a tribute to Maher on Cybervent in the near future.

Coming soon, New Cybervent Look

Yes we will have a new Cybervent look in January. Some of the items coming in January is not just a new front page but also, a WOTM which stands for Website Of The Month. I will personally select a new website once a month and they will also be able to put an award on their homepage for earning this honor. If you have a website that you think deserves a WOTM award email me at cybervent@ventriloquist.org and let me know why, who knows, you just might win!!

That's all for now everyone have a safe and Merry Christmas!

Christmas Routine

Twas the Night Before Christmas (routine)

V - And now folks, we are going to read you the classic poem about Christmas...
F - Peter Cottontail
V - No, a Christmas poem.
F - Why kiss under the mistletoe when you can kiss under the nose?
V - No, it's the classic poem, "Twas the Night Before Christmas."
F - Oh, why didn't you say so.
V - I just did.
F - I guess you did, proceed.
V - Why don't you start?
F - (whispers) I can't read.
V - Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said you wanted to do the poem with me?
F - I did, but I forgot my glasses.
V - I didn't know you wore glasses.
F - Only when I want to see, that's OK, I'll do it from memory. You start and I'll join in.
V - OK, Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
F - Mom looked all over for here new Christmas blouse.
V - No it's, Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.
F - (laughs) Yeah right.
V - It is!!
F - Sure, what would mouse be stirring?
V - Stop it.
F - (Whispers to the audience) I would be a pretty small spoon!!
V - Not that kind of stirring.
F - What other kind is there?
V- Stirring also means moving.
F - Not a creature was moving not even a mouse. Well, that makes sense, why didn't they just say that?
V - I don't know, can we continue?
F - (looks around) Who's stopping ya?
V - The children were nestled all snug in their beds
F - Whiles visions of Xboxes danced in their heads
V - It's sugar plumbs, not xboxes
F - Well I don't know what a sugar plum is but I know what a xbox is right kids?
V - OK, and ma in her kerchief....
F - God bless you.
V - And ma in her kerchief....
F - God bless you again, sneeze one more time and you get to make a wish.
V - I'm not sneezing I'm saying kerchief, it's what women used to wear to bed.
F - Oh, what is it?
V - It's like a bandana. Women used to wear them on their heads when they went to bed at night.
F - Women used to wear a banana on their head at night?
V - No I said bandana.
F - OK, sounds like banana to me.
V - and ma in her kerchief and I in my cap, had just settled down for a long winters nap. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter....
F - (looks at vents body) Did your clothes shrink or are you getting fatter?
V - One more comment like that and your going to have to leave.
F - Sorry, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
V - Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up...
F - (yells) Yuck!!!
V - What?
F - You threw up??
V - No.
F - I hope you cleaned it up.
V - threw up the sash.
F - That what you get for eating sash before you go to bed.
V - The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow, gave the luster of mid day to objects below. When what to my wondering eyes should appear but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. With a little old driver so lively and quick...
F - If he moved any faster I think I'd get sick,
V - (just gives a disgusting look at the figure)
F - (looks at vent) and throw up the sash.
V - I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
F - Hey, I thought this was supposed to be about Santa Claus.
V - It is.
F - Than whose this St. Nick guy?
V - That's another name for Santa Claus.
F - Oh, OK.
V - More rapid than eagles his courses they came, and his whistled and shouted and called them by name: Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid! On Donder and Blitzen, to the top of the porch, to the top of the wall, now dash away, dash away, dash away all!
F - You missed a reindeer.
V - I know, Rudolph wasn't around when this poem was written.
F - I see.
V - As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky. So up to the house top the coursers they flew, with the sleigh full of toys and St . Nicholas too.
F - So there were 2 people?
V - What??
F - St Nick and St. Nicholas, (thinks for a second and then looks embarrassed) never mind.
V- And then, in a twinkling I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
F- And I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
V- Wait, there's still a lot more of the poem to do.
F- Well, I've got to go.
V- You got some place to be?
F- No, I just have to go.
V- Why?
F- (Whispers in the vents ear)
V- Oh! Well, wish everyone Merry Christmas.
F- Merry Christmas all. And don't eat too much sash.
V- Merry Christmas everybody.
(use this if you would like, let me know how it works out)

I want a Marshall

Now don't take what I'm saying as something against Marshall figures. I love Marshall figures and his work, but why are there so many copies out there. I remember one time I got a phone call from one of my friends and they were so excited. "Guess what", they said, "I'm having so-and-so make me a Marshall copy. I'm really excited. I'm going to call him whatever." I said that sounds nice. What I don't understand is why would you have some one custom make you a copy of a Marshall? It's not a real Marshall and honestly, if I was having a custom made figure, I would want to have something unique. The funny thing is, a few years later there was a picture taken with all the owners of Marshall figures and you'll never guess who was in that photo. Yep, that friend of mine holding their copy and passing it off as a real Marshall. Now one day I'd like to own a Marshall. I mean, I got to look at one and hold it once. I was at a performance and Bill Lisby was there and asked me after the show if I ever saw a Marshall figure up close. I said No so he took me out to his car and he had his Marshall figure in the trunk. I liked it and it would be great to have one but I want a real Marshall, not a copy. Do you really feel good trying to pass off a Hartz or a Semok as a Marshall? Not saying that they couldn't duplicate Frank Marshall's work, I'm sure they could, but I want a real Marshall. If I'm going to have a Semok, Hartz, Selberg, etc.. I want one of their own designs, not a copy of a Marshall. Let me close by saying this, if I was a figure maker, I would want to see if I could duplicate a Marshall or a McElroy and I've seen many figure makers work that have been able to do just that. I respect them and even envy their work, but again, the day I own anything that looks like a Marshall, it's going to be a Marshall.