I know these were written for Ohio but I think they will work well for many states including the ones mentioned above, enjoy!!
Jeff Foxworthy on Ohio
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Ohio.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Ohio.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Ohio.
If someone in a store offers you assistance & they don't work there, you might live in Ohio.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Ohio.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Ohio. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Ohio.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Ohio.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE OHIOAN WHEN:
1. Vacation means going east or west on I 80 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction, & It's Hot.
12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
13. Down south means Wheeling to you.
14. A brat is something you eat.
15. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
16. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday.
17. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
18. You find 0 degrees, a little chilly.